#19.-The Shadow- Twin Cities Marathon 2019
The Shadow archetype is my “call” to the runner’s journey. It is what has prompted me to go on this journey in the first place as the Fool. Each archetype individually has a shadow, however the Shadow archetype itself is all things we repress or avoid dealing with because we (or society) have labeled them as “bad” parts of our personality. These are parts we deny, and we tend to project our Shadow onto others. The things that trigger us most about someone else, are the things we are rejecting in ourselves. When we repress our Shadow side, it grows darker and we act out either towards others or towards ourselves. In my constant seeking, I busied myself and wound up agitated, dissatisfied and unable to figure out what I wanted to be doing on this journey. I found it in running. It was by no means a “cure all”. I still had to move towards my Shadow with patience and compassion. I tried to run from my shadow, both literally and figuratively. Through running, I have become aware of my Shadow. I realized the more I repressed it, the worse it became. The more I silenced, the more my Shadow controlled. How do I work to accept my Shadow?
#19. Twin Cities Marathon- Mpls/St. Paul, MN 2019
I think every runner can admit to some dark times during a run when they have confronted their Shadow. What have you done? Pushed through, integrated it and saw it as a force for personal growth? The so called “wall” at mile 20 of a marathon is symbolic of the Shadow. It could be confronted during any difficult time of a run or race. We can change our perception of our “wall”, our inadequacies and unworthiness and see them as a resource. This can dispel the negative energy in them. We can see the Shadow as something that can contribute to our individuality. You do not allow yourself to be controlled by your Shadow, but see it as it is, an idea we have about ourselves. It is a fragment of us, not all of us. Make use of it. You have the authority to push through and finished transformed.
For my fall runs I was not at all concerned about time. I was in great shape endurance-wise. Then came taper time. I forced myself to step off the gas pedal and let myself physically and mentally recover. The hot fall weather did not help. I didn’t know what to do with myself when I wasn’t running. My work was plenty busy, but I yearned for the habitual stress relief of a run. Niggles started appearing right and left trying to convince me that running all these marathons so close together was not a good idea. Instead of running it out of my head, I wrote. I’m always an avid journaler, but without the run everyday, I wrote even more to calm my monkey mind.
As race day arrived, I reflected on the Twin Cities marathon and my history of the race. This would be my 5th twin cities marathon. The day finally arrived and it was a picture-perfect crisp fall morning. I tried to settle into my easy race pace, but since I had been running slow all summer long with my high blood pressure, that was putty stress on my body early on. I wasn’t ready for. It just felt hard. Marathons always do, but this was different. I felt off, but tried to still enjoy it as best I could. Such is the marathon, you never know what you’re going to get. I knew it was going to be a day to just do my thing and see them at the finish line. I know the course so well, maybe even a little too well. It seems to get harder and harder each year. Getting up the big hill at mile 21 to get up to Summit Ave and running the last five miles down Summit to the finish line is no small feat.